Newbies Boobies . . . Or, Yes Cinderella, dreams do come true!

And so, I went missing in action.

Again.

No Facebook posts. No Twitter Tweets. No blogging.

Now I must preface this by saying that the past week Hurricane Harvey has kept me busy. But that does not account for the few weeks before. I promise, I had a good reason, and fear of jinxing my good fortune kept me from revealing I would not be around for a while on Facebook and my blogs.

You see, after almost 40 years of suffering from large, painful breasts, and thanks to the generosity of my mother who threw part of my inheritance my way and early, I had a breast reduction on August 1st.

I really NEVER thought that day would come. I was especially distraught when insurance refused to pay for it about two months back. It appeared, according to their guidelines, that they would never pay for it. That’s Cigna for you.

At any rate, the surgeon removed 7.5 pounds total from my chest. That’s right, folks. From each breast came 3.25 pounds. Stack up a few cans of beans, tie a string around them, then hang them from your neck.

If you dare.

In fact, having so much taken out displaced my center of gravity. The first time the recovery room nurses stood me to my feet to walk (before I knew how much the surgeon had taken off) I pitched forward. Needless to say, I spent the next three or so days on my unsteady feet being careful I did not fall forward!

The pain of surgery, and the work to keep from falling forward, was a small price to pay for the relief from the pain from such large breasts that was, honestly, near immediate. The tingling nerve in my left back has disappeared. Even at two weeks post-op I was cooking simple meals in the kitchen without my back going numb. The near constant pains which only required a finger touch along my shoulder and upper back are disappearing.

I actually no longer have to stop, straighten my spine, and work to take a breath when I get winded, and my constant nagging neck ache, which more often than not shot into a headache, has ceased. I am even sleeping better.

I can’t imagine why (I say, as I roll my eyes.)

I dress and look at myself in the mirror, and even I have to admit my face looks as if it is twenty pounds lighter. For the first time EVER I actually look normal (at least my chest and upper body) and not some morphed monster with a small head and this HUGE chest that sticks out and wobbles.

And that’s not all I have learned in the past two weeks.

1. A C/D cup really isn’t that large, unless you are seventeen and weigh 104 pounds.

2. Most people can feel their shirts on their bellies because, by golly, a C/D cup doesn’t tent your shirt over your abdomen.

3. Perky C/D boobies don’t really require a bra at all. They just sort of sit there on their own. It’s fascinating . . .

4. I can actually bend over to pick something up, or reach for something, and I don’t fall forward. Maybe I can get back to that yoga . . .

5. Crumbs sort of fall down and off. Water on the cabinet doesn’t soak my shirt when I get within spitting distance.

6. The August heat is much easier to bear.

Now mind you, my surgeries four years ago (my colon ruptured and I had a temporary colostomy) have left me with large hernias and scar tissue. My tummy, to be frank, looks as if I might be pregnant, sort of, in a lopsided watermelon fashion. Neither you, nor I, knew my tummy was that large, because the boobs were always in the way. But in a few months, with any luck, I will be back under the knife and having that repaired.

So, if you see me, don’t look lower than my beautiful new boobs. The other?

Well, Cinderella I will never be (although I AM related, I found out quite recently, to a number of royals in England, Scotland, and Spain), but hopefully, I will eventually be walking around in a whole new me . . .